| 46
teenager of the year
ain't got no rights
one day you won't be young anymore
michelle
my gift to you
version red
the flying faggot rap attack
hit list (or how to influence political
change in the modern imperialist world)
ambivalent feeling
dysphoric
new file
my privilege
transcend
she want's to die
another dead queer boy
as she stood before us at his going
away party
dictocracy
you got it
so you wanna fuck a rock star?
you would be king
para soniq
created may 2002 - april 2003 in the middle of the santa
cruz mountain redwood forest, except for the flying faggot rap attack
- initially created jan - feb 2001 in charlie ks dorm room; additional
mixing june 2003 on aint got no rights, she wants to die, you got
it, so you wanna fuck a rock star? additional production on dysphoric
- dec 2003.
total time 78:46
cover art etching print by tommi
2001, photoshop manipulation by eriq
created by eriq, with:
drums and/or percussion by tommi
on teenager of the year, aint got no rights, michelle, my gift to
you, hit list, dysphoric, my privilege, transcend, she wants to die, dictocracy,
so you wanna fuck a rock star?, you would be king, and para soniq
keyboards by erin on teenager
of the year and my privilege
additional vocals on so you wanna fuck a rock star? by
erin
additional vinyl scratching and manipulation on version
red by tommi
additional vocals on you got it by andrea
and tommi
additional vocals on the flying faggot rap attack by jc,
rebekah, tommi,
caitlin, charlie,
andrew, tony,
kel.
words for michelle by eriq
and tony
copyright 2003 and published 2004 parae / para soniq records
46
when im 46
ill look back on my troubled youth
ill wonder how i could have believed the things i did
when im 46
married with 2 or 3 kids
to a beautiful wife that fulfills all my dreams
when im 46
i wont remember how i once did scream
ill have learned truth by 46
ill have matured by 46
ill have found god by 46
and ill have bought into some kind of american dream
when im 46
and i wake up for the first time again
ill wonder how the hell my life got stuck at here
when im 46
as my eyes fill with saddness and fear
ill remember all of my longins for futures past
when im 46
ill finally be as old as i feel at last
teenager of the year
i remember back the year, something 1992
back before they stopped playing videos
the culture was so fresh, or so it seemed to me
why does it appear so manufactured recently
i guess i lost touch, i sure aint 16 no more
at what age does this pose get pretentious?
lime green pop dream, or teen angst, can you relate?
funny how you can when all of a sudden yr 28
this is where i sell out
this is where i buy in
one hit frozen all through time
statement generation mine
now im teenager of the year
the one the girls all love, the one their parents fear
and all the boys say ho! cause they just dont know
from where do we go from here?
does yr ego comprehend?
why you deserve this sucess?
you know yr failure impends
the drugs, they dont lie to you, lie to you!
now im teenager of the year
the one the kids all love, now thank the label, yes dear
yeah you want me now, cause youve heard some talent, right...
this is the closest youll ever get to a fuck!
aint got no rights
i heard some shit
it got me so pissed
the other day
someone somewhere
made some laws
something about the natural way
to you, were not even real
now i aint got no rights, naw no fucking rights
and to you, we dont even feel
now i aint got no rights, naw no fucking rights
what can i do?
isnt my voice relevant too?
but they dont see how misconstrued
their morality is to me
to you, were not even real
now i aint got no rights, naw no fucking rights
and to you, we dont even feel
now i aint got no rights, naw no fucking rights
i could agree to disagree
but those beliefs do effect me
supposed country, land of the free
but you dont recognize when its contradictory
you call it a choice, but id never choose
to be like you
you call it a choice, but id never choose to be like you
you call it a choice, but id never choose to be like you
you call it a choice, you choose to live a lie!
now everyday
i get so angry
and this apathy
i dont think its gonna save me
so how do i show you that im real?
i will make you feel.
one day you wont be young anymore
no you arent gonna find anyone special tonight
there is not a specimen within your eye sight
tonight there will be no triumph of adversity
cause this shit club aint got no diversity
one day, yes one day, you wont be young anymore
one day, yes one day, you wont be young anymore
no ones gonna save your life
cause the beats are all recycled - quite
and the dj aint got the necessary skills
and this club severely lack in the thrills
cant kiss, cant touch, cant suck, cant fuck
you lost your charisma and your body just deteriorates
but youre still here every night and they all know why
blew out your seretonin, now kiss the sky
im just on autopilot, are you not too?
every choice you made, was it not chosen for you?
sure you look like a damn fool when you dance
but is everyone looking, not a chance
except for me with my obligatory stance
i survey and judge all that i see
i like to talk shit, but it dont validate me
some day i might just take it all seriously
one day, yes one day, you wont be young anymore
one day, yes one day, you wont be young anymore
youll wake to find that suddenly youve grown old
and youll look back on your life with bitterness and regret
i never wanted to see you like this
still playing all the same games all these years to this day
do i hold the lock? do you hold the key?
if so, lets open up the box already
tonight youre gonna feel so alive
as if you might die
and maybe, just maybe you will
are you afraid?
one day, yes one day, you wont be young anymore
one day, yes one day, you wont be young anymore
youll wake to find that you were never who you wanted to be
and youll realize that nothing else is left
you have always been a characature
that no one ever knew or cared about
your friendship has always been an act of commodity
your whole existence a manifestation of a false reality
and one day, youll look back on your life and know that
you wasted it
you wasted it
you wasted it
you wasted it
michelle
are you arabic?
wow, you look arabic
cause youre so dark
and you got big lips
oh, heh heh
thats ok too i guess
ooh, you have a nice smile
the other day my two friends died
yeah it was an overdose
isnt that so sad
but it wasnt me
i only went with them to get it
and that was like two weeks ago
i only did it with them once
its not my fault that they, you know
i dont have to tell the cops anything, do i?
yeah, its really sad
im really depressed about it
i shouldnt even be at the bars
im really sad (really)
yr so nice (yeah)
yall remember michelle?
yo just whered she go?
i worked with her at dennys
yeah, she was pretty cool
i hope shes doing ok
my gift to you
and it just makes me want to cry
your whole muse become so obscured
but this is my gift to you
listen here to the song, inside of you
just let your mind drift, away
i will become your inspiration
i will destroy you entirely
why do you force me to reject you
will you dare to touch this?
dont you understand?
each false sonic i create
for the facade we perpetuate
each failure laid bare so true
but my art is not for you
every line, each crease of your hands
are not molded divine
no amount of faith nor trust
will allow you to transcend this mediocrity
we are intangible
and this is but a construct
that you happened to inspire
the flying faggot rap attack
hey, hey, hey - are you ready?
now i heard this kids songs, i heard the
little bitch rap
he feigned psuedo contrived mock hate attacks
an ends to a means, a puzzle for the audience to play
hes got a major label deal, but he aint got no substance to
say
hes just trying to release an internalized force
cause the sum of his angst is an adolescent source
and hell be like, fuck you, yr a fucking faggot, yr gay
thats queer boy to you, check it out now - suck it!
this is the flying faggot rap attack
so like i met him at a party, that sparkle, he
did step to me
from a look across he did meet mine eye, his pale blue sky, end contact
- sigh
what can i play, humble? what must i mumble? so maybe he did like the
taste of what he did see
yes, i am referring to me - ok, hey
upon this inspection he did press to ask, if i knew just up in here who
the hell he was
aint you, i said, some kind of rapper or singer, he grins, whats
it - mc butterfinger?
negating past my contempt, he proceeds to work
his jock all up on me
he says, looking deep into my eyes, maybe a cock like yours might set
some secrets free
a rush of blood from my head, tempted i say, well aint that something
im not too surprised to see
DL yo, you gotta hear me now sugar, were gonna party, just first
i gots to go pee
he wants to fuck me, he wants to fuck me!
and thats when i pulled my move
the move that makes me so god damn smoothe
i said, hey babydoll, lets go pee together
this is the flying faggot rap attack
i dont need no chorus
to tell my story true
it would just distract you
and yr cajones might turn blue
he puts his tongue up to my face, hes never
tasted a boy truely in this place
he asks, can you rhyme, i say i dont think we have the time, as
i sip upon my white wine
he asks, what do you want? i ponder a clever taunt - i think i need you
to make me quiver and bleed
put yr half hard, half potent, mongrel cock inside of me, i require something
real right now
bare me your chest, here in this stall, up against this wall, i want to
shower you with all of my fore-thought
and if i submit, do you promise to consume all that you might spill?
and if i commit, after i cum, immediately how will i then feel?
if i drink more this six might become a seven
but if you fuck me now, you aint never gonna see heaven
normally i wouldnt second guess this type of thing
but when i was stoned yr records did sting
like the sour stench of ballsweat in my mouth
do i dare now traverse my jaw down south
the pickings appear slim, do i give in?
how fucked in the head are you until you sicken?
is yr celebrity worth what is in store?
dont offer me material things - i am not yr whore!
mr jigga, wigga, nigga, cumjizza
my mc feigns naive, he begs me to go further more
but as i touch him, i see he aint ever had a tangible male before
he cries fresh tears at this respect of playing real
oh no, not this again - hes realized hes too fucked up to
even feel
how am i supposed to be entertained by this?
tell me boy
i touch my fingers to his lips
i tell him that i never wanted any of this
brushing me away, his gravity begins to sway
his eyes full of fire, underneath still latent desire
i have had a change of heart
i can not always finish what i do start
dont mindfuck me bitch, his hands upon my shoulder
shortness of breathe, i notice his right eyelid - nervous twitch
what i may lack in girth does not equate to my valued worth
hey kiddo, you know, im an equal opportunity employer
but if you dont get yr hands off me, ill need a restraining
order
he strikes me in anger, screams - you try, you try to make me this
shattered now, upon the tile floor, my wine glass lost, it is no more
why do you do this, why! why! echoes against the bathroom stall walls
hey man, maybe i just wanted to take a piss
he called me a faggot, yeah he got paid
guess his vocabulary stalled somewhere round eight grade
yeah he sold his ass, yeah he happy meal
its a rough industry kid - how do you feel?
this is the faggot rap
the flying faggot rap attack
now im gonna give a discourse on just how youll be
butterfinger says, you fucking talk more shit than
a bitch ho
im gonna slap yr faggot ass like you just dont know
and ill say, i only say it cause thats how it is
you peddle rhymes to suburban boys
little imbred goblins that just learned not to play with each others
toys
and hell be like, fuck you, you liar, ill set yr fake curly
hair on fire
and ill smoke it with my weed, pop some violet pill and get higher
and ill say, whatever mista candy synth beats
what do you even know about hip-hop or the streets
where can my criticism even begin when you dont know which way a
turntable spins
and hell say, fuck you and yr faggot grammar, ill smash yr
head in with this hammer
i aint afraid to be a faggot killah, aint no place in rap
for a deviant vanilla
and ill be like, yr just a corporate sponser trend
i use yr disc as a beer coaster
you aint fat enough, nor got cut abs enough to deserve eternal life
on a poster
you labor with a thesuarus to write yr rhymes
yr flow a fraud, you record tracks line by line
yr just like the rest, thanking god, hallejuah, should i appauld?
just check out my chorus, hear what the losers say
hate bred upon hate will was those undesirables
away
you had yr chance with me, but you blew it, cause
yr fucked in the head and fake
would you still like some strawberries and chocolate cake?
hit list (or how to influence political
change in the modern imperialist world)
i live in a culture of fear
i am sedated with nicotine and corporate beer
the only thing that keeps me alive is a fear of death
sometimes i can taste the paxil on my governments breath
i get to pay taxes
at a twenty percent rate
more than half of that
goes to the military state
pax-americana
nationally secure i shall be
what a great place to live
americas so number one
i am just a consumer to the white mans elite
machine
i am just a small part to their americanized dream
and if i fail, its no fault but my own
there is always a prison if i cant afford a home
we got some royalty
leading a nation of aristocrats
we got, we got
total information awareness
were just looking out
for our best interests
were the superpower
yeah, were number one
and if i were a so-called terrorist
id draw up a real tangible list
you want some names?
not in my name!
not in my name!
i am not entertained
then take em out
id rather have a global equality
id rather have a real democracy
but these right-wing fascists are more evil than i can comprehend
they control the media, they control what were fed
and theyre still more than thirty years ahead!
not in my name!
not in my name!
war is not a game - its business!
and they never had, had a chance
cause even if you dont fight, you'll still end up dead
ambivalent feeling
so how can i even begin to understand you
when i can barely comprehend myself
sometimes these things dont end up the way you thought they would
i wish itd been as easy as i hoped it be
but i know its such an awful feeling
and i know its such an unclear place
its not what you and i were dreaming
its so hard to look you in the face
you know he once said this to me
the spirits in this room dont want me here
i think theyre trying to protect you, they like you
they hate me
i know its such a terrible feeling
and i know its a fucked up place
now this is less than i was dreaming
its so hard not to look you in the face
look you in the face
i hope it wasnt a lie
when i said id love you forever
but i feel so unalive when im with you
but i feel so unattached when i tell you i love you
and i dont understand why i dont connect
i dont know why i sometimes feel this way
but i dont ever mean to hurt you
i hate to see you sad
you know you make me happy
i hope my dumb song dont make you mad
you know i dont ever mean to hurt you
i just hate to see you sad
if anything, you know you make me happy
i hope this song dont make you mad
dysphoric
my face is now smeared again
the doctor labeled it dysphoric
my stockings are filled only with cigarette burns
it seems i have mis-placed something important
i dont know, i dont know
where did it finally slip away
upon these shades of purple and blue
along the cracks of shameful memory
vancouver, ontario - everyday is necessary torture
i have no features
i have no face
i have no recollection
i undifferentiate
no description
no comprehension
no recollection
i undifferentiate
shatter
i am a warrior
my privelage
as a child, i guess i must be lucky
as a child, but its not like that anymore
i dont wanna talk about my privelage (yes
you do)
i dont wanna think about my privelage
they would break their bones to be what i am (white man)
what to feed, to breed, the shelter that they need
i got a job, and i dont wanna go
i got a job, and i hate to go
i got a job, i cant waste my life like this
i got, i got some privelage, what does it all mean?
i sit, i sit in a chair and i stare at a screen
i am inequality, ill live it til i die
i am a missed opportunity, i pose to deny
i live this material dream, i am less than the white man that i might
seem
and i think i might die
i never thought itd be like this
well i guess thats life
and i am so over this
transcend
ive played with butch, and ive played
with fem
and i dont want to live by either of them
its so cool these days to transform
i choose to transcend
i dont need no tits to be a girl
i dont need a cock to be a man
i can play around with conceptions of gender
but i am not a part of the hetero-normative plan
i could pick a part, subscribe to a role
but chances are ill end up trapped less than whole
i do not need to pass in order to feel
i will challenge them to what - what is real
i dont need hormones fucking with my body
i dont need no botched plastic surgery
doctors wanna sell me something they cant produce
society wants to dominate my mind and medicate with abuse
you are so perfect and beautiful, why do you buy
into those lies
that system was created, to control and disguise
you are so unique and pure, why you gotta stress those minor details
none of it really matters, dont you know that i love you
she wants to die
im a bit older now, and i suppose that ive
reached that age
where i start to see some friends, drink themselves to death
she wants to die - and i gotta stay out of the
way
she wants to die - oh what a mess its gonna make
i figured out quite a while ago, that there aint
nothing i can do
its her choice to chose to slowly self destruct
she wants to die - and i gotta stay out of the
way
she wants to die - oh what a mess its gonna make
she alienated all of her former friends
there aint gonna be no one left in the end
and well all remember the time you fell off
of my balcony
and well all remember how cool and talented that you used to be
and i swore that would be the last time that i drive your drunk ass home
again
you burned your own bridge, should have kept your hands off my lover
she wants to die - and i gotta stay out of the
way
she wants to die - oh what a mess its gonna make
yeah, shes a queer - mostly dyke
her mix is brown - no, she aint white
someone touched her, fucked her as a kid
now shes to lost to even put up a fight
she says - i like you, i think youre really
cool!
she says - youre such a fucking arrogant prick!
she says - im so unhealthy, what the fuck am i doing?
she screams at me - fuck you motherfucker!
and well all remember the time you fell off
of my balcony
and well all remember how fowl and nasty you did not used to be
and i swear i wont care when you say youre so depressed -
sitting at home staring at the ceiling
you chose to drown in your own sea of self medication
and no one cares
she says - no one cares
another dead queer boy
you were a character to all your friends
they each had immortal sentiments
so full of life, happiness and joy
they dismissed that revelation
you shouldnt have drank so much
you should have watched your step
you shouldnt go out walking when its so dark
one day you might just slip
be careful around the ocean
its power can mesmerize
i know this cliff is your favorite spot
and the view is so captivating
the sound, it soothes away all of your fears
at this place you feel alive
but beware what you wish for
right now you couldnt care at all - so be it
as she stood before us at his going away
party
her voice shook, quivered nervous conviction
se had made them stop, interupted all of their mindless joyful drumming
stood her ground, waivered, swayed
she enforced our discomfort, commanded captivated attention
her eyes, lost, angular eyebrows, pwerful uncontrolled desire
to be noticed, to be something, striking, inherently repellant beauty
so lost
i have seen signs
soon there will be a battle
gods child shall be reborn
my womb his holy vessel
and brandon suggested transcendence, violence is
not the answer
she acknowledged the truth, yet, a cleansing would be necessary
she spoke of a tribe, a future soon, yes brandon, youd be there
his girlfriend, liz, said, hey erin, its alright, its ok
were all friends here, arms out-stretched, let me give you a hug
i will not be pacified, she stammered, recoiled to the offer of touch
ackwardly it ended, the guests caught in stunned fascination
if she can build so much from ancient myths
what might she perceive from the tangible presence of me?
so much power and desperation
can she conceive of how many others who have also prayed for divine seed
i might hope that she has a child
for that which she might inflict
at what measure will her disappointment stop
we were all on drugs, but she was not
dictocracy
i live in a fascist facade of democracy
i live in corporate capitalist consumption
they say economic freedom, i say indentured servitude
they wanna sell me a dream, make me a hegemonic slave
my country was built on genocide
i am not filled with pride
this is my image and heritage
on which they will unilaterally die
i got a weapon, i got a tool
its not a bullet, i am not a fool
its not what you taught me as a child in public school
its not what you multilated at birth for additional revenue
we'll fight the good fight, but we'll never succeed
we'll fight the good fight, but we'll never succeed
cause when we get that power, just yall wait and see
just like them well be corrupted and consumed with greed
my country, the land of the free
my country, from sea to shining sea
my country, home sweet home
my country, united you stand alone
i am not a patriot
fuck you and your white america
i am not a patriot
these stars and stripes, they shall burn
my country, america
what is it?
this is my country
home of the brave
dictocracy reign over me
you got it
are you the patriarch?
are you humble?
well i fucked your first born son
am i legitament?
aint no gun ever gonna take that away
no rebirth, bullets blessed reborn, acquisition found
ever gonna change yr childs intimacies futures past upon this ground
all that you have worked for to provide to acquire
your self extension has failed - live on
i said, yeah we coulda been a team
or so polarized pleasure it mightve seembed
coulda, shoulda, woulda, it didnt matter anyway - to you
remember that time in the booth, you pulled her
hair
you pinched her there, you loved her - maybe
fuck her - crazy, it was just you and me - yeah
yr hands so smooth, yr nails so thrashed - broken bitter
i always wondered what made you so nervouse
yr mom, stories of uncle tom, fear of the atom bomb - to us
and you said, everyone i know believes in some
kind of god
everyone i grew up with believes these truths republican
and i never thought i wouldnt see yr face
again matthew
remember that time you spent the night?
you knew anything, anything baby, anything can happen
we had some fun now, didnt we? didnt we?
but youve made it and youve given birth to a success
so save a couple of prayers for me and ill drink you a toast
as i think i may be up a bit longer, yes to bed i may be late
for i am too bold to process my victim stance to cultural fate
and i thought ill get you, ill get
you back - ive yet much work to do
who am i? you dont remember? dont lie!
i hold yr hands against the ground
the stars in yr eyes, aged flesh, this brow full of wrinkles
briskly balding head gone round
i sense a full moons reflection as the action transpires
yr sweat drenched flesh, i perspires
you, you, you got it
you got it, and im gonna take some away
you got it, and im gonna give some more
more than you can handle, more than you can grip
yr crooked slender hands always did lack much inventive dexterity
you stare at me, the stars in your eyes, a light
gash at yr lip
a thousand nights, a thousand lies - white cold breathe sounds
panic is all i can taste, my lips to yr eyes, my hips to yr thighs
you can not regress, no longer will you repress, this as i press
as i press, as i slip slip inside, as i rip away this code of dress
do you rememer now the games that we played?
eyes full of fire, belly full of rage, its
time that you stopped acting yr fathers age
i strain yr arms to the ground, the full moon does so reflect as we intersect
this action does transpire, the fire goes round
you are my nemesis, i will make you a liar
for all that you have done, i will make you a liar - i will make you a
liar!
i had no idea you had so much more to sell, so
real
reconstituting aversions through to seeth through the cracks of my teeth
yr mother always said that you had a useful mouth - down under, far below
beneath my underhairs, lick my chest, no my ears, now my neck
i made a lover out of you - some equity of opportunities
pull me up by my bootstraps - now that yr qualified
you bought her this life with a credit card
lean dream, anorexic stylish - acid asorbic
it is a wonder, a brand new humanistic creation
my wonder, my astonishment refurbished - repackaged
this my machination inside yr mind is garunteed to excel
and ill buy you a dream, i have purchased you a memory
tie the hands of your young son - he has his grandfathers eyes
stomach muscles glisten - i hear the moisture, listen!
you, you, you got it
do you think that you can control me?
sometimes its best to simply put yr sweet mouth to what you do not
understand
such a useful and forgiving mouth, you press it against this ebony man
yes, you can - i gave you the knowledge, taught you to envision this spectrum
oh so very grand
all that i spoke - tears role down - you know everything now and we must
part for all that you could of been
yes, you've got it, you have won this final mission
now this is democracy, now this phallus is at ease
cured forever, until memory becomes lapsed
emotions so unjust, united they bleed
yr privelage, yr disease
my child, yr child - together we will be reunited
and now we do not have anymore topics to discuss
these commandments are now tepid for the both of us
now you, you got it, you won - and i resign
all that we have left is life, eternity and repitition
yeah, you got it
yr the coolest kid now
if but a bit after the fact
whod have ever thought that youd grow so full
so you wanna fuck a rock star?
so you wanna fuck a rock star?
you want a friend to appreciate your dreams
rescind all of your adolescent yearnings
right here in my eyes, between my thighs
but i think youre too controlling
the way you hold my head when we kiss
i will never be anything more tangible
than an ideal thought - white like this
1234
5678
8765
4321
was that all you had to offer me?
give me a call when you can last more than 17 seconds
observe these fangs on this delicate jaw line
you can tell that i demand and deserve the best
view my fucking ass, view my fucking walk
i dont need an audience to satiate this
view my fucking grip, view my fucking cock curve
i dont need catharsis to permeate on through this
you said it felt like a sin
you said you went home and that you cried
you said you gave me a part of yourself
you say now it was all wrong and that you lied
1234 - well i dont want you anymore
5678 - well fucking you wasnt that great
8765 - youre too afraid to be alive
4321 - well you were never any fun
im not upset, but i am disappointed
you couldnt meet my expectations
youre lucky im laughing, as i ponder all the other things
that i could have done today, cause fucking you was like comedy
you got the look, but you aint got the touch
you got a pretty cock, but it dont amount to much
and i am and just a pretension
a mockup of what will never be
i am merely a projection
a failure, inevitable to see
you would be king
you were born so self assured
some choice breeding will manifest your ambitions
staring out the window at the desert plains
this really is the land of opportunity
gonna take a trip to tijuana
speeding down the endless motorway
got an eightball, two well paid girls, in the back
and when we get there, were gonna dance
juniors got a sports car, he likes the color
red
his best friends riding shotgun, got a black pistol, some cuervo
gold
called his daddy from a bus stop on a dare
caught the eyes of an old woman, she has silver hair
this condition is so priceless
no fate will not, will not deny this
you can taste it dryly on your thin lips
you can feel your destiny rush up through your loins
in your hands the keys, the keys to the throne
the leader you were born to become
you will sleep easy tonight
next to this child who is not your wife
you will dream appreciative dreams
as the sun/son gently rises
and you would rule them all with pride you thought
to yourself
as you walk through the barrio
and you would be king
yes you could be king
and you would be king
you will be our king |